Cost Analysis

What happens if I don’t make it?
Does my phone stop ringing?
I don’t think anyone has ever called. Although,
I’ve answered.
Will you remember to turn off the stove for me?
I don’t think it’s ever been on. Although,
the water has boiled.
I have some things to wrap up.
A Christmas present,
a deposit so this check doesn’t bounce.
Can you walk my dog tomorrow?
I get one Zoom call in the afterlife.
Hello, are you there? Please, tell me how Grey’s Anatomy ends.

Where will my aches land? I’m serious, what happens?
If I find myself gone, where do you end up?
If my pain redistributes, who gets the most of it?
Hands up! Any volunteers?
What happens if I don’t make it?
Will I finally put my phone down
and stop checking my Twitter?
Will someone tell Amanda?
Will you update my away message on AOL Instant Messenger?
Do I get to bring my straight A report cards to heaven or wherever I end up?
What do they amount to there? Can I buy something with them?
Maybe it’s like an arcade,
the afterlife.
You trade in some of what you have for the chance to win something else, but none of it’s real.
Not the money. Not the prize.
Twenty dollars for a rubber ball, one hundred tickets for a stuffed giraffe.
I will take both. Spin again. Throw a dart.
I may end up with something beautiful
that is never worth the cost.

Originally published in the “Poems for the Ride” Anthology and in “Blake.”